A new leaf
A brand new year has just begun and it’s time to turn over a new leaf.
“Turn over a new leaf” is an idiom that means to begin again, to start doing things differently, to reform, to change.
Curious about the etymology of that phrase, I conducted an intensive Google search. I was sure that my investigation would inform me that the expression related to the changing of seasons. After all, the phrase does conjure up images of a leaf on a tree, the old leaf falling off in the autumn to be replaced by a new leaf in the spring.
A new beginning. A fresh start. A new leaf. Right?
My research indicated, however, that the origin of the adage has nothing to do with seaons, leaves, or trees.
One site said the turn of phrase dates back to the late 16th century, when pages in a book were often referred to as leafs (not “leaves”). Thus, turning over a new leaf is another way of saying “turning to a new page.”
Another site, however, claimed a considerably more interesting…and far more whimsical…origin for the phrase. A friend of Oscar Wilde allegedly suggested that Wilde, a homosexual, change his ways and turn over a new leaf. But when the friend found Wilde having gay sex with a hotel bellboy, the friend said, “But Oscar, you said you would turn over a new leaf.”
Wilde is supposed to have replied, “Yes, but I haven’t yet gotten to the bottom of the page.”
Get it? The word “page” can be a synonym for “bellboy.” That Oscar Wilde…he sure was quite the wit.
But I digress. In the interest of doing things differently (i.e., “turning over a new leaf”), and in recognition of what has become an increasingly short reading attention span in this country, my new leaf is to write shorter blog posts.
Last March I wrote about shorter, more concise blog posts. In that posting I said, “…in the interest of not taxing my loyal blog followers with having to spend more than a minute or two reading my posts, I will continue to strive to keep my posts shorter and more concise.”
When it came right down to it, though, I failed to achieve my striving. My posts almost always range from at least 600 to sometimes more than 900 words. But it is now 2012, a new year, a new beginning, a fresh start. It’s time for me to turn over a new leaf.
And so, in the interest of brevity, I'm going to end this post at only 432 words.
Happy New Year!
The future vision for America: third world nationhood
Newt Gingrich claims to believe that “personhood,” defined as the status of being a person, begins at conception, rather than at birth. He believes so deeply in this definition of personhood that he wants Congress to pass a law declaring that personhood begins at conception. If such a law were passed, it would make abortion for any reason…even in the case of rape or incest…the equivalent of murder.
Were such a law enacted, according to Jay Bookman of the Atlanta Journal, it would not apply only to abortions. It would “affect birth-control methods such as the morning-after pill, the IUD, and even the standard birth-control pill, which works by preventing the fertilized embryo from attaching itself to the uterus.”
This idea of personhood beginning at conception has gained traction among the GOP candidates, especially as they sit on the doorstep of the Iowa caucuses. But they seem also to be promising to behave in a way that essentially dismantles, or at the very least neuters, the U.S. judiciary system.
During a presidential pro-life forum earlier this week, at least four of the GOP wannabes suggested that any ruling by the courts that challenged the constitutionality of any law related to personhood at conception or otherwise allowed legal abortions, should be ignored.
Gingrich said he would ignore Supreme Court rulings he disagreed with. He used the “two out of three” concept to justify his position, suggesting that “If the president and Congress say the court is wrong, in the end, the court would lose.” Exactly where in the Constitution does it say that, Newt? Or did you just make that up?
Rick Perry, when asked how he would respond to a Supreme Court ruling overturning a law that declared life begins at conception, said, “Obviously you enforce the right to life.” In other words, Perry, if president, would simply ignore the Supreme Court ruling.
Michelle Bachmann said that it was time for Congress and the president to “reclaim that authority to make law.” She went on to say, “The Supreme Court can’t arbitrarily tell us what the law of the land is.” Well, perhaps she’s right. It shouldn’t be “arbitrary.” But the Supreme Court can and does interpret the “laws of the land” to determine which are or are not constitutional.
Rick Santorum, who for some reason still considers himself to be a viable contender for the GOP nomination, said, “Life beginning at conception is not a belief, it’s not an article of faith, it’s an article of fact. It’s a biological fact. Yes, the Bible tells us all that, but it’s also reason.”
As president, Santorum, who seems confused over the defintions of the words fact and opinion, said that “irrespective of what the court does, you do what you do, and you fight!” Rick, get over yourself. No one cares what you think.
Gingrich said he would “write the [personhood at conception] bill so that it is not appealable.” In other words, he wants to make that law bullet proof so that it cannot be overturned by the courts.
But in his zeal to end what he calls “judicial supremacy” on subjects such as abortion, gay rights, school prayer, and national security, Gingrich would take it even further. He said he’d arrest federal judges, force them to appear before Congress to justify their renegade, activist rulings, and go so far as to impeach them, remove them from the bench, and abolish their courts.
A “banana republic,” and I’m not talking about the retail chain, is, according to Wikipedia, a pejorative term denoting a politically unstable country ruled by a small, self-elected, wealthy group that exploits the country by means of political oligarchy.
Four of the GOP contenders have gone on record saying that they would ignore court rulings they didn’t like. Gingrich has said he’d arrest justices whose opinions he didn’t share, haul them before Congress, and even dismantle their courts.
With this contempt for the separation of powers and rule of law, these politicians are sounding an awful lot like the despotic leaders of many third world nations.
If this is what your vision for the United States is, be sure to vote Republican in the presidential and congressional elections. You’ll be voting for candidates who are promoting the transition of the United States into a third world nation…a banana republic.
Bah humbug!
It’s two days before Christmas and all through the house (condo) not a creature is stirring (except for the cat, Colbert). All that can be heard is that dreadful Michael Bublé Christmas album.
Yes, it’s Christmastime and that means it’s time for my annual Christmas grouse. And no, I’m not referring to the chicken-like bird.
The festive holiday seaon atmosphere [choose one: surrounds, ungulfs, suffocates] us all. Crowded stores, restaurants, and public places are elaborately decorated with wreaths and trees filled with ornaments and colorful lights. It’s beautiful.
People are doing all that they can to help our sputtering economy by logging on to retail websites and buying goodies in record numbers. They are braving the holiday crowds and venturing out to malls and shops to pick up gifts for friends and family. It’s generous.
The air is filled by inescapable, omnipresent Christmas music. It’s too much.
Sure, most people love Christmas music. I am not one of them. I remember when Christmas music on the radio, piped into stores and malls, and played in restaurants didn’t really start until immediately after Thanksgiving. That meant about four or five weeks of uninterrupted, interminable joy to the world.
Over the past few years, though, Halloween seems to have become the kick-off of the commercial Christmas season. Seriously, do we really need two full months of this constant reminder of Christmas?
And if my son doesn’t stop playing that goddam Michael Bublé Christmas album on the iPod speaker system in our small condo over and over again, I’m going to go ballistic! Enough already!
I am a Grinch
Okay, I admit it. I am a Grinch. Yes, I know that Christmas, the holiday that celebrates the birth of Christ, is an important and joyous holiday to Christians. I’m enough of a pragmatist to recognize that our nation, while not a “Christian Nation,” as some conservatives suggest, is a nation that is overwhelmingly Christian
And yet, year-after-year, there are those (e.g., everyone on Fox News) who insist that there is a “War on Christmas.”
Seriously, do most Christians really believe that small sliver of the American population comprised of atheists, agnostics, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, and other non-Christians have somehow stolen Christmas?
I look around and wonder how anyone can come to that conclusion. I hear continuous, unavoidable Christmas music; it’s virtually nonstop. I see Christmas shows and specials on TV, Christmas movies in theaters, Christmas musicals and plays on live stage.
Flyers and advertisements for Christmas sales add significant weight to the newspapers I stuff into my recycling bin each week. The bulk of TV commercials at this time of year are all about the Christmas gifts you absolutely must buy…like a Lexus adorned with a huge, red bow.
I see formerly vacant lots filled with Christmas trees and wreaths that are selling briskly. I see homes, condos, and apartments throughout the city decked out with colorful and blinking lights and fully adorned Christmas trees in the windows. I see nativity scenes on public squares and common areas around city and on town hall lawns throughout the area.
I see grown men wearing red suits, fake beards, and pillows stuffed under their belts, little kids sitting on their laps in stores and malls. At any other time of the year these men would be arrested.
But at Christmastime, there are long lines of parents, with their kids in tow, eager to put their little darlings onto the lap of some otherwise unemployable, probably drunk old man wearing a phony beard and dressed in a strange costume promising to bring them all kinds of gifts that their parents can’t really afford.
Can someone please explain to me how Christmas is being stolen?
Well, maybe the “Christmas spirit” has, in fact, been usurped by crass commercialism. Christmas has become less a religious holiday than a two-month long Washington’s Birthday Sale on steroids that drives people to extreme behaviors. Shoppers desperate for bargains are over-the-top competitive, pushing and shoving…even pepper spraying, tasing, or shooting…anyone who stands in the way of the doll, gadget, game, or toy they simply have to have.
Instead of the holidays bringing out the best in people, it seems that this season of good will and joy instead brings out the worst in many. Me included.
Bah humbug! Oh yeah. Happy Holidays.
Change of pace
My wife told me she’s growing tired of my rants about religion and the religious and she’s concerned that people who believe in God, practice their religion, and who stumble upon my blog, will be put-off by my anti-religion commentary.
Of course, I think her concerns are unfounded. First, very few people read my blog. Second, for those who do read it, my advice is that they shouldn’t take my personal perspectives too seriously. Third, if I’m wrong in my disbelief, they will all get the last laugh.
Be that as it may, and in the spirit of this holiday season (yes, I said “holiday” and not “Christmas” because I’m a combatant in this war on Christmas that Fox News insists all Americans are fighting), I will cease and desist, at least for a while, to post anything having to do with religion. Instead, I will focus on other fascinating things happening around us in another installment of “what were they thinking?”
Shoot to kill
A 34-year-old New Jersey woman killed a 22-year-old man by injecting silicone into his penis. Why would a woman inject a man’s penis with the silicone? More in question, why would a man let a woman armed with a syringe filled with silicone, stick it into his shlong? Ouch!
Did she really intend to kill him? Probably not. Perhaps she simply felt that he didn’t quite measure up. After all, silicone injections are often used to enlarge body parts, such as the buttocks. So maybe she just wanted something more, um, fulfilling from her lover. And if it works on butts, it just makes sense that it would work on penises, right?
Stories of her death were greatly exaggerated
A Pennsylvania man filed his mother’s obituary in the local newspaper, which would have been a nice gesture if his mother had died. I guess he never considered that his mother would read the obituary, but when she did, she showed up at the newspaper’s office to validate that she was still among the living. It seems her son was concocting a scheme to get some paid bereavement leave from his employer and figured he’d use his mother’s published “death” notice as they way to get it.
For some mothers, no sacrifice is too great when it comes to their children. But this guy’s mother didn’t play along. Dammit, Mama, couldn’t you just roll over and play dead for a few days?
Blaming the victim
It seems that kids today don’t want to take responsibility for their actions and would rather point the finger of blame toward others. A 16-year-old British teenager took it to an extreme when he wrote a letter blaming the victims for breaking into their home and stealing some of their possessions. After he had been caught, the teen was told to write a letter of apology to his victims. But the kid showed no remorse at all.
“To be honest I’m not bothered or sorry about the fact that I burgled your house,” he wrote. Instead, he put the blame on them, calling them “dumb and thick,” and pointing out what they did wrong to make breaking into their home irresistible. They made “dumb mistakes,” he wrote, like failing to draw their curtains when they went to bed and leaving a kitchen window open. Duh! How could he not break in?
Faking it in the Sunshine State
Too much sun must fry people’s brains, causing them to do really stupid things, like faking their own kidnappings. A 17-year-old kid from Florida, with the help of a friend, faked his own kidnapping in an attempt to extort $50,000 from his father. “Show me the money, Papa!”
Another Floridian, a 37-year-old woman, claimed to have been kidnapped, but it was actually a plot to get some cash from her wealthy husband. The shakedown was for fifty grand and was cooked up by the woman and her lover. They were done in by an audio tape given to police by the “kidnapper’s” live-in girlfriend.
Yes, while he and his married lover were hatching a scheme to extort her rich husband, he had a live-in girlfriend. You gotta give the the guy credit for having some audacious balls. Anyway, the recording captured the sounds of the schemers having sex and plotting the kidnapping.
Yet another Floridian, this time a 21-year-old mother, reported that she had been abducted after fighting with her boyfriend. She sent him a text message saying that two masked men had put her in the back of their van. It turned out that she was jealous because she thought her boyfriend paid more attention to her son than to her.
All she wanted was to get her boyfriend’s attention. Hey, girl, if you boyfriend is more interested in your son than in you, you have bigger things to worry about.
Finally, a man received a call from a guy who claimed to have abducted his girlfriend. The caller demaned a $100 ransom, telling the boyfriend that if he didn’t pay up, his girlfriend would be killed. The boyfriend must not have cared all that much for his sweetie because he refused to pay the embarrassingly modest ransom and called the police. The whole thing was a sham, the alleged kidnapper and the girlfriend hatching this “kidnapping” scheme in order to get some cash.
I wonder how the girlfriend, another 21-year-old Florida woman, felt when her boyfriend didn’t think she was worth even a hundred bucks! Oh snap!
Sign of the times
My wife and I took the ferry to Sausalito on Saturday afternoon so that we could watch the annual flotilla of Christmas decorated boats, which was scheduled for around 6:00 that evening.
As we were wandering around this picturesque city just across the Golden Gate Bridge from San Francisco, killing time until the festivities were to commence, I came across this sign that I believe effectively expresses the times we are in these days.
The United States has the worst wealth inequality in the industrialized world. Our health care costs are the highest in the world, but by many measures, the quality of health care in this country is not so great. Those fortunate Americans who are still employed seem to be working harder for less, while American corporations are hauling in record profits.
In fact, for so many Americans there appears to be no uptick to the job market in the foreseeable future, no respite for the beleaguered homeowners whose homes have lost significant value, and yes, no light at the end of the tunnel.
Is it any wonder that our elected representatives are held in such contempt? According to Rasmussen Reports, ratings for Congress are at the lowest levels ever recorded. Many voters actually believe that most members of Congress are corrupt!
In fact, a recent Rasmussen poll found that more than 40% of likely voters feel that a randomly selected sample of people from the phone book could do a better job than their elected representatives in Congress.
A virtue of ignorance
And then there is the field of Republican contenders for the White House. They are falling all over themselves to see who can best demonstrate that God personally chose them to run for president. They deny evolution, reject climate change, dehumanize immigrants, condemn gays, believe personhood starts at conception, and claim that there is a war on Christmas and that Christians in America are being persecuted. These tea-party pandering reactionaries who want to be our next president all seem to consider modern science to be the enemy and make a virtue of ignorance.
Because it is so damn easy, let’s pick on Rick Perry once again. In a recent Perry political commercial, one that he interestingly titled “Strong,” Perry proudly proclaims, “I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m a Christian.” And why would he be ashamed to admit that? Americans are overwhelmingly Christian. In fact, in a recent ABC News poll, 83% of Americans identify themselves as Christians. That’s really not much of a limb Perry crawled out on, is it?
Perry goes on to say, “As president, I’ll end Obama’s war on religion. And I’ll fight against liberal attacks on our religious heritage.” Whoa! Obama’s war on religion?
But wait, Perry gets even crazier. “You don’t need to be in the pew every Sunday to know that there’s something wrong in this country when gays can serve openly in the military but our kids can’t openly celebrate Christmas or pray in school.”
Does Perry really think that Obama is responsible for ending prayer in school? Apparently Perry also believes that repealing Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell equates to waging war against religion. Seriously, Rick.
Look around people. Do you see any signs of people celebrating Christmas? Hmm. When it comes to this alleged War on Christmas, it is pretty clear to me that Christmas is winning.
The next thing you know, some anti-gay, right wing religious conservative will propose changing the words to “Deck the Halls” to remove its reference to “gay apparel.” After all, you don’t want a bunch of gays to prancing around and contaminating our sacred Christmas carols, do you?
Oh wait. It turns out that someone already did try to remove the word “gay” from that classic carol, instead referring to it as “bright apparel.”
Old dog, old tricks
The guard in the lobby of the large office building in San Francisco’s financial district directed me to the Prometric Test Center facility. I slowly pushed open the ominous steel doors that separated the test center from the building’s lobby and walked in. I have to admit to feeling quite nervous as I walked across the threshold. After all, it had been quite a few years since I last had to take a “real” exam.
In fact, I believe the last time I had to read text books, study for, and take exams was when I took my master’s comprehensive exams. And that was, lemme see, 35 years ago!
Sure, over the years, I’ve had to take a number of exams and tests. For most of them, though, like physical exams, vision exams, and hearing tests, all I had to do was show up. Piece of cake, right? Yeah, sometimes I had to prep for an exam, like having to have blood drawn in preparation for an annual physical exam, but being blessed with good veins, that’s generally not a problem.
This time, however, I was going to have to take a computer-based exam based upon a textbook I was required to read for a course I was required to take for my job. My boss thought that a great way to enhance the credibility of his team of benefits business consultants, of which I am one, would be for each of us to obtain an industry-related professional designation.
One such designation is that of Group Benefits Associate, or “GBA.” This designation is granted to those who have successfully completed the first three courses of the Certified Employee Benefit Specialist, or “CEBS,” program. It’s a continuing education curriculum co-sponsored by the International Foundation of Employee Benefit Plans and the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania. And so, as part of our individual bonus goals, we each had to commit to successfully completing at least one CEBS course each quarter.
I’ve been working in health care and benefits administration for more than 40 years. When it comes to employee health and welfare benefits, I know what I’m doing. I am considered to be a subject matter expert, aka “SME.” Yes, I’m an employee benefits aficionado, a skilled, highly regarded, and well respected benefits professional. All this makes me a very good…nay, a great…benefits business consultant.
But many of those I work with who also have the title of “benefits business consultant” are relatively young and don’t have nearly as much industry experience as I do. Of course, at my age, nearly everyone I come in contact with is “relatively young.”
But I digress. Even though I know all about benefits, over the past month or so I diligently read the textbook and reviewed the accompanying learning guide. The textbook was filled with fascinating chapters on topics such as insurance risk management, health plan designs and cost control, managed care, consumer driven health plans, dental, vision, hearing, and prescription drug plans, behavioral health, wellness programs, and my very favorite, fiduciary and ethical responsibility.
As riveting as these topics are, my challenge was keeping my eyes open while reading the materials. For those who are suffering from insomnia, I urge you to purchase your own copy of “The Handbook of Employee Benefits: Health and Group Benefits.” It’s a far better sleep aid than Lunesta and you won’t have to deal with that annoying moth flying around your bedroom.
With the exam date rapidly approaching, I spent much of this past week reading, memorizing, cramming, and desperately trying to stay awake. Finally, yesterday afternoon, it was time for the moment of truth. But getting past the reception area at the testing center made going through airport security feel like a walk in the park.
I had to show two forms of ID, remove my jacket, hat, and all the contents of my pockets. I even had to remove my watch. Then, after I walked into a secure area where I had to sign-in, I was told to pull my pants pockets inside out and was wanded, like they wand you if you go through the metal detector at an airport and set off the alarm. I was half expecting a cavity search to be next.
I was escorted into another secure room with about 30 workstations, each equipped with a computer screen, a mouse, a calculator, three sharpened #2 pencils, and some scratch paper. I clicked on the mouse and the exam started. 100 questions, two-hours.
The questions were of three types: straight multiple choice, where you select the correct answer; multiple options, where you are given three statements and choose which one or combination is correct; and “all except,” where you have to select the one answer that is not true.
My anxiety increased when the first question appeared on the computer screen and I realized that I had no clue what the correct answer was. Oh shit! The next question was tricky and subject to interpretation. What if I interpreted it the wrong way?
I began to think about how mortified this skilled, highly regarded, and well respected benefits SME would feel about failure. What’s that old adage about teaching an old dog new tricks? Maybe you can’t even teach an old dog old tricks!
I made it through the 100 questions in just over an hour and then spent the remaining 55 minutes reviewing each and every question and my original answer, keeping most, modifying several, and making total guesses at a few.
Then, with a few minutes left, I clicked on “Submit/Score Exam.” I took a deep breath and waited for an instant that took what seemed like an eternity. The words “Congratulations on passing this examination” finally appeared on the screen.
Recurring nightmare?
It was around 25 months ago when I informed you, my loyal readers, about how I was the victim of identity theft. I won’t take the time here to review the gory details; if you are interested you can link back to my original post on the matter.
Suffice it to say, though, I had to jump through quite a few hoops, including filing a police report and completing an affidavit of identity theft, in order to get this significant blemish removed from my credit rating. Or so I thought.
Having complied with the myriad requirements to resolve the identity theft and erase the fraudulent charges, I assumed the matter to have been closed. After all, I received no further communications from either the utility company that was defrauded or the collection agency it hired to collect this debt. Mission accomplished, right?
Au contraire. I apparently didn’t jump through quite enough hoops to get the matter resolved once and for all. This bogus debt continues to stain my otherwise sparkling credit rating. In fact, the only reason I even know that it remains an issue is because approval of my application to refinance the mortgage on our Worcester home is being held up.
Andrew, an otherwise affable mortgage loan processor from Bank of America, sent me an e-mail in which he stated, “I reviewed all the documents that I have for your loan with the underwriter and she asked me if the charge dated in 2009 for $2,027 was paid off.” Huh? Hey Andrew, just tell the bitch that this matter was “resolved” two years ago.
Alas, as Herman Cain seems to be saying a lot lately, “here we go again.”
I asked Andrew for more details and he provided me the utility company’s phone number. I called and spoke with Kathy in the delinquent accounts department. She acknowledged that they had sent me an identity theft affidavit in November 2009, but told me that they had never received my completed affidavit or the copy of the police report I filed on December 1, 2009 that I attached to the affidavit. Seriously, Kathy, if you never received what you needed, why did you not reach out to me and let me know so I could follow-up or resend the missing documents?
So now it’s two years later and I have to start all over. Of course, I’m here in San Francisco and the copy of the two-year old police report is somewhere in our house in back in Worcester. I called the Worcester police department and asked if they could fax or scan and e-mail to me a copy of the police report.
“Oh no,” the city servant said. “You must mail a written request outlining what you want, along with a check or money order in the amount of two dollars payable to the Worcester Police Department. Also enclose a stamped, self-addressed return envelope,” she explained.
“Once we receive all that that, we’ll order a copy of the police report and mail it back to you…eventually. Don’t forget to put a stamp on the return envelope. Otherwise it will take longer. And, no, we don’t take credit cards or cash,” she added.
I know times are tough for municipalities, but seriously, can’t the city of Worcester afford fax machines, scanners, or e-mail, much less the ability to process credit card transactions?
Once I “eventually” get the police report in the mail, I’ll then have to fax it, along with a newly completed identity theft statement, to the utility company, which will, upon receipt of that fax, determine if there is sufficient justification to remove this blot from my credit report. Maybe then the bank can go ahead and complete the mortgage refinancing process.
And this recurring identity theft recurring nightmare will finally be over.
Turkeys, crabs, Romney, and ringing in the ears
Who knew? I suppose that having spent the majority of my 65 years back east (with very brief stints in southern California, Dallas, and Chicago) contributed to my perception that the traditional Thanksgiving dinner always involves turkeys. (I’m not talking, for the most part, about those who attend Thanksgiving dinner, but about the main course.)
This year, though, my wife and I are in San Francisco for Thanksgiving and I’ve learned that in this City by the Bay, it’s the Dungeness crab, not the turkey, that apparently serves as the Thanksgiving entrée of choice. Sadly for San Franciscans, according to an article in the San Francisco Chronicle, Dungeness crabs are scarce this year…possibly even more scarce than straight men in The Castro.
“Looks like the Bay Area will actually have to eat turkey this Thanksgiving,” the Chronicle article warned. That’s because crab processors are unwilling to pay a penny more than $2 per pound for crab, while the crab fishermen are unwilling to accept anything less than $2.50 per pound.
And so the crab fishermen are not out there catching crabs…at least not Dungeness crabs. Who knows what kind of crabs they are catching now that they have all this spare time?
This is good news for Dungeness crabs and bad news for turkeys. Hmm, I guess this year the president won’t be granting, in the annual White House tradition, a pardon to a particular Dungeness crab. Oh wait, that’s a presidential pardon for a turkey. Sorry.
Poor Mitt Romney
According to the Pew Research Center, two-thirds of Americans believe that Mormonism is “very different” from their own beliefs and one-third say that it is not a Christian religion.
Jeez, have that many people already seen the Broadway show, The Book of Mormon?
This “confusion” about Mormonism and Romney’s religious beliefs may have “implications for his nomination run.” But if he does win the GOP nomination, according to the Pew research, rank-and-file Republicans will rally around him, despite the fact that he’s a friggin’ heathen.
’tis the season
They’re back! Yes, those bell-ringing Salvation Army folks standing outside of grocery stores and myriad retail outlets are out again in force, incessantly ringing those damn bells.
Hey, it’s bad enough that I suffer from tinnitus and am cursed with a constant ringing in my ears that no one else but I can hear. But now…and for the rest of the year…I (and you, as well) will be cursed with having to listen to those damn Salvation Army bell ringers. They are everywhere!
Happy Thanksgiving.
Pandering to evangelicals
In a blog posting this past August, I expressed my concern that “this country is evolving into a Christian theocracy where the laws of the Christian bible may have equal, if not greater, influence on our American society as the US Constitution.”
It seems, based upon a meeting of six Republican contenders in Des Moines, Iowa this past Saturday, that my concern is not so farfetched. Turning the United States into a Christian theocracy appears to be precisely what these GOP presidential wannabes are promoting.
The candidates were falling all over themselves to pander to the evangelical Christians in Iowa, probably since more than half of the voters in the 2008 GOP caucuses self-identified as born-again Christians.
All of the Republican hopefuls vigorously expressed their opposition to laws and decisions by the Supreme Court that restrict prayer in school and prevent pastors from endorsing candidates from the pulpit. Herman Cain wants to change the tax code provisions that limit church involvement in politics. Hey, I’m down with that, Mr. Cain, as long as we start taxing churches like any other business.
Of course, each of these GOP candidates is opposed to abortion and same-sex marriage. Newt Gingrich wants to enact a law that defines “personhood” as beginning at the time of conception. Such a law, Gingrich said, would neutralize legal abortion laws without having to overturn Roe v Wade. Even the voters in Mississippi, one of the most conservative states in the nation, rejected that state ballot initiative earlier this month.
Rick Santorum said “As long as abortion is legal in this country, we will never have rest because that law does not comport with God’s law.” I suppose Santorum learned this when God reached out to him and personally told him he should run for president.
Rick Perry wants to enact a law that prevents same-sex couples from adopting children. But if a “personhood-at-conception” law were to be enacted, that would certainly and significantly increase the number of unplanned and/or unwanted babies delivered into the world. And wouldn’t that increase the demand for even more couples who are willing and able to adopt?
I must be missing something. If these candidates all want to eliminate abortions, why, then, would they also want to restrict same-sex couples from adopting? Hey guys, you can’t have it both ways. The math doesn’t work.
See what I mean about the Christian bible taking precedent over the US Constitution? Should one of these whackos actually be elected as President, and should the GOP regain control of Congress and maintain the majority in the Supreme Court, The United States may yet transpire into a Christian version of Iran.
Joe Paterno
I’m not an alumnus of Penn State. In fact, I’ve only been to State College, PA once in my life and that was when I was attending the University of Maryland. A bunch of us piled into a car and drove up to Penn State only to see Joe Paterno’s Nittany Lions trounce our Maryland Terrapins.
I admit that I haven’t closely followed the ins and outs of the sex abuse scandal that ultimately cost Paterno, one of America’s greatest college football coaches, his job and reputation.
Having said that, though, I recently read an Albert Einstein quote in which he said “The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it.”
That Einstein quote pretty much sums up my feeling on this particular matter.
Brain Shrinkage
I arrived at the airport early for my 10 a.m. flight because I had a conference call at 8:30 and I wanted to be through security and situated where I could talk and access the internet on my computer. I have this speedy USB 4G modem that I use for internet access on the road. It’s a relatively small device that plugs into my laptop’s USB port and provides a reasonably fast internet connection, often faster, even, than what is available through the free WiFi that some airports offer.
I found a table at a McDonald’s near the gate. I plugged in and powered up my laptop. While it was booting up, I got myself a delicious, nutritious McDonald’s breakfast burrito meal. While sipping coffee and munching on the burrito, I opened up Facebook and saw that my son had posted an article published by one of his law school professors, William Ian Miller. Miller was lamenting about being 65 and noting that his brain wasn’t quite as agile as it once was. He even mentioned something doctors refer to as “brain shrinkage.”
As a man, I am familiar with shrinkage of another type that we males occasionally suffer, particularly after spending some time swimming in cold water. But Miller was referring to brain shrinkage that results from getting older, not colder. Who knew?
But I digress. Being 65 years old myself, I have noticed occasions lately when my brain can’t quite find the right word even though I know and have used that particular word many times in past conversations.
Naturally, it would have been the perfect word to use in the context of the discussion. Unfortunately, unable to conjur up that perfect word, my brain has to pause and search for an alternative word, which seems to take an unbearably long time, thus interrupting the flow and diminshing the impact of my sentence.
I have noticed, too, that I am periodically unable to summon up to consciousness a particularly relevant fact that I, in previous situations, always had at my disposal. Recalling such a fact would have driven home my point, cogently bolstering my position, and sealing the deal.
Yes, it’s a little frustrating and even scary when you experience these “brain farts,” and Professor Miller very articulately expressed some of the anxiety I have felt recently about my apparent age-related brain shrinkage.
Panic attack
What happened next, however, really freaked me out. After my conference call at the airport McDonald's ended, I needed to get ready to board my flight to San Francisco, which was scheduled to depart in about half an hour. I closed my web browser and the application that enables the connection between my USB modem and the internet. I then removed the small device from the USB port, shut down my laptop, unplugged it from the outlet located on the wall, and started to put things back into my computer case.
That’s when I saw, sitting on the table next to the laptop, the small, black, zippered case used to store the USB modem. I got seriously concerned, though, when I couldn’t find the device itself. I moved the laptop to another table. I pushed aside the wireless mouse. No modem. Had I put the modem into my laptop case without first zippering it into its own small case? I searched through the compartment where I usually store it. It wasn’t there.
Panic began to set in. I started rifling through my computer bag like a madman. I looked into every pouch, emptied every section. I searched the bag inch-by-inch. No modem. I broke into a cold sweat. I looked on the floor around the table, thinking I might have accidentally knocked it off. I found an abundance of crumbs, a few discarded ketchup containers, and a crinkled-up napkin. No modem.
“This is not possible,” I thought. No way could the modem just disappear. Did some creepy petty thief sneak up to my table and grab the modem when I wasn’t looking? Of course not; I was never not looking. So where was the goddam modem?
In anger and frustration, I was about to pound my fists onto the table when I looked down at my left hand and noticed that my fingers were already clenched into a tight fist. I slowly unclenched, and as my hand opened up like a day lily exposed to the warmth of the morning sun, I saw, secure in my palm, the “missing” modem.
I breathed a sigh of relief and then looked around to see if any other early morning McDonald’s patrons had witnessed my strange behavior. No one seemed at all interested in or fazed by my panic attack. I placed the modem into its insulated zipper case, and then secured it into its proper compartment in my computer bag.
All packed up, I grabbed my roll-a-board and headed to the gate, just in time to hear the voice over the PA cheerily announcing that the departure of my San Francisco flight would be delayed. Of course.
By that time I had calmed down and resigned myself to spending yet more time sitting around waiting for my flight to depart. Reflecting on this strange and disconcerting adventure, I consoled myself with my newly acquired knowledge that this incident over the misplaced modem, which was never actually misplaced at all, was not my fault.
Brain shrinkage!
